How Your Negative Realities Become Your True Values
Before you start to change something, you need to know what it is that you are going to change. Uncover your true values by analyzing your behavior patterns. Find out how they originated in your life. Most of your patterns of behavior are learned from your family. I believe that the first 18 years of a person’s life are critical to setting up life-time patterns.

We are taught impression management. While growing up we are making choices. While growing up we are taught what values are acceptable according to the society of our origin. We see people make choices that result in pain. We see other people who make choices that give pleasure. Often the two are in conflict. What some choose that gives apparent pleasure are often choices that go against the beliefs we have been taught about right and wrong. Most of us are taught how to conduct ourselves in front of other people. Most of us are taught to value what other people think of us. We have learned to value our ability to deceive others and we may even have learned to value our right to stand up for ourselves even when we are wrong. We may have learned what works and what doesn’t work to get us what we want.

As an actor you know how values are presented through a character. Like the clues given in a script, many of your values, true and desired, are shown in your personal presentation. For example: Your values are shown in how you dress. They are shown in how you communicate to friends, family, and strangers. They are shown in how you respond to different types of people, from acceptance to judgment. Your values are shown in how you entertain yourself and in the places you frequent. Your values are evidenced by what you believe in terms of being just or unjust. Your values are seen in your priorities. Your values are seen in the types of movies and television you watch. They are seen in the kind of friends you have. They live in the secrets that you keep. They are reflected in your honesty. They are reflected in your decency. They are reflected in your expectations of yourself and of others.

When creating a character we become aware of the deception techniques used by the character because during the course of the play those techniques will be exposed as the story unfolds. Just like characters you may develop you discover deception techniques are tied to the values that the character may have adopted for survival. As you study your character you can acknowledge that each of their values may be supported by beliefs that come from your own life experiences.

Like a character, your true values that create negative experiences are found in your hidden fears. And, as with a character, you realize that most of your values were learned and accepted by you as you were growing up. Your family, your social and economic circumstance, your religion, your race, your peers, and your education are among the many things that created your accepted values, both true and desired.

To become more effective in your career and life you need to be aware of those values that you may have turned into beliefs that are stopping you from doing the work that is necessary to move you toward a successful professional acting career.

Changing Your Values by Default
There is another reason you need to be consciously aware of your value system, both true and desired. You know what gives you physical pleasure and what gives you physical pain. You also know what gives you emotional pleasure and what gives you emotional pain. Emotional pleasure and pain are often used in this business. The more you control you have of what causes them in you the better prepared you are to override disabling techniques used by some casting directors, producers, agents and, unfortunately, other actors. You need to know their values if you want to share their playing field. If you wish to play only by your rules you may find the road to success a difficult and painful one.

Knowing how to recognize your true values in relation to your desired values affords you the opportunity to become aware of the behavioral patterns of those you will come into contact with in this business. It keeps you from being vulnerable to the manipulation and abuse that can be experienced in this business. Pushing buttons is a term used to explain someone’s ability to control your emotional responses. If someone knows how to read your true values (through your use of time) they also know how to push your buttons. With this ability they have the power to control your emotional state and therefore your state of mind.

Leaving your emotional state to the mercy of others is a tragic mistake. You may have found learned to alter your desired values because you wanted certain people to be your friend. People who are going to be in a position to hire you or promote you are going to be using their understanding of the game to move up the ladder of success. You need to know what the game means to them.

Many actors or aspiring actors may be using values to operate their careers that do not support their desired values. Look at your own career choices. There may be things that you have done in order to promote your career that are disagreeable to you. Develop a clear path for your career and you will become less vulnerable to others’ agendas. Have a clear path so you can determine whether your values and beliefs are supporting your desire to be a successful professional actor. Remember, your values are being affected all the time. They are being affected by your peers, your family, and your most personal relationships.

No Dogs or Actors
The acting profession does not sit high on most cultural lists of acceptable occupations. It wasn’t that long ago hotels had signs reading “no dogs or actors”. Times may be changing due to the enormous amount of work being generated for successful actors, but the old beliefs and old reputations still haunt the aspiring actor. Some of your beliefs and true values may be subconsciously affected by history. It is important to acknowledge how many of your pre-instilled beliefs are freely residing in your brain. You may have unknown beliefs that limit your thoughts. And, you may be evaluating your efforts with these limiting beliefs.

Some of these beliefs could be: If I had a great showcase I would get an agent. If I had an agent then I could get an acting job. If I had an Equity card I could get a professional audition. If I knew the right people I could get the right job. If I won the lottery I would have the money I need to pursue all my dreams.

Your own rules for living may be making the pursuit of acting in this game of life difficult for you to win. Your beliefs can determine the possibility of your reaching your goals by the choices you make. Those choices are indicated by your use of time. What you choose to believe is up to you. You do not want to accept beliefs that are too difficult to follow. It is possible to have a belief that you can have a successful career as an actor and, at the same time, have a belief that acting is not a vocation but an avocation with no hope for financial security. The goals for your life are dictated by your values and your choice of beliefs will indicate the importance you put on the way your life is to be lived. You could have many beliefs that are built-in detractors and saboteurs. You may even have beliefs that are designed to justify poverty and survival.

Acknowledging the Ifs
It is my contention that your “ifs” are excuses for non action. The “ifs” are the result of the conflict between your true values and beliefs. You need to know where any belief comes from. You should also know that it is not the individual belief that is important. You need to find the purpose your belief system serves. That knowledge will lead you to your core beliefs that are controlling your process of thought under the guise of logical support. A core belief may be: ‘someone else needs to make it happen for me because my personal power must be validated from the outside’. Core beliefs are coded as rules we have accepted as truths. Once you can identify what those rules are you can weed out those that do not support your desired career oriented values.

These beliefs may have been ingrained into you at such an early age that you do not realize that they are actually a part of your reality. Yet, these beliefs may be subconsciously undermining the desired values you need to support your chosen destiny

Success and Rejection
You need to verbalize your life purpose. You need to know what you really want out of life. It is important that you know if your values and beliefs support your goals for becoming a successful professional actor. You need to know what is most important to you and what is your life going to be about. Therefore, you need to know your rules or beliefs for your life.

Success in your chosen career requires much effort in order to achieve the knowledge and repetitions needed to acquire talent and take it to Talent. There will be rejection along the way. Your desire for success may be in direct conflict with your fear of rejection. This may result in non-action

I know of many actors whose personal beliefs or rules for living do not support a successful acting career. Many actors have set their rules for succeeding so high that the actions to go after the career become impossible. It may also be true for you that many of your beliefs, both personal and universal, are making success too difficult.

The origin of these rules could be found by looking at your circumstances of growing up. Many of your beliefs about acting were set when your becoming a professional actor was not a major focus. Many of your acting beliefs could have come from people you love and respect who shared information that they felt you needed in order to pursue an acting career. Their concern was activated when you began to indicate that this might be an interest that could lead to a career effort. These well meaning people in your life may not have believed that an acting career was best for you.

Regardless of where or why, their beliefs were shared with you and the fact remains that they became part of your subconscious beliefs. If left unchallenged they can secretly distract you from your career efforts. There is a part of you that won’t let your dream come true. The result is pursuing the idea of an acting career while rarely doing the efforts necessary to move the career to a legitimate effort. This often leads to a convoluted idea of an acting career.

Even though many cannot make a living as an actor, based on the average income statistics, they may claim success from a three scene guest acting job on a second rate television series. This could be a problem, especially if these actors are using that credit years after the series has left the air. Their belief that success, even this minor effort, qualifies them for lifetime storytelling status is a public announcement of a defeating belief.

An additional problem with this acceptance of such a low bar for success is that it creates a built-in defeat position. I had a student during a private session mention he had not spoken to his parents in over five years. I expressed my regret for this and he proceeded to tell me the circumstances of this estrangement. It seems that he was doing an extra job on a network soap opera. He told his parents to be sure to watch the show. After the show aired he received a call from his parents. They didn’t understand what was wrong? Did they miss his part? He told them that walking behind the lead character was his part. They found this curious. “When will you be getting any lines?” With this, he tells me, he expressed to his parents his anger at their lack of support and their naivete at how hard it was even to get a walk on. If that was as supportive as they could be then he didn’t need them or their support.

When he finished his story I was at a loss for words. I asked if he planned to make contact with his parents and he said no. He felt he had done the right thing. My response to him was to acknowledge his parent’s position, which I felt had nothing to do with their support, or love for him. It dealt with more practical matters. If he believed that getting an extra job was so difficult, and if he believed that others should look at this as an achievement, then he had set the value or expected goals, for achievement as an actor too low. His belief about what could be classified as acting success did not have the power of expectation. The issue was not resolved during my tenure with this delightful and sad young man. He was unaware that his own beliefs did not support him. I hope he has become more aware of the beliefs that he holds that could, because of lack of logic, end up hurting him. With the pain comes non-action. And, with non-action comes unwanted results.

If you want to know the true values which may be undermining your desired values ask a friend. Ask the friend a question about you. Example: "Do you think I'm working hard enough on my acting career." Once they respond ask for more detail "how do you know?" Their follow up answer will reflect the true belief you have that supports the topic of the question. In their answer is the belief that may or may not be supporting your desires.

Have a great week and become aware of the actions you are taking that support your beliefs, desired or true. Look at the rules for the game that you have set for yourself.

I wish you well.
Russ