Separating True Values from Desired Values
The human experience is driven by either avoiding pain or achieving pleasure. The network of values by which each person operates can be divided into two camps. Those associated with either pleasure or pain.

Values are those things in life that we hold most dear. It is something of worth by which a life is lived. Values are those life beliefs that guide us. However, values that we live by are also divided into two camps. They are desired values which are those beliefs we wish to have and there are true values which are dictated by how we conduct our lives.

It is important to know which ones are your true values and which are your desired values. This is done by acknowledging which values in your life are given the most time and effort. The only values that are owned by you are those to which you give your time. Desired values, on the other hand, may only be a wish and, often are never given the time to become real. Your true values, the apparent beliefs that are given your time, are often counter to your desires.

For example, you may spend a great deal of time watching television. This would indicate that you have a belief that sitting in front of a television set is a belief to which you give value. By the amount of time that you give to this TV watching behavior would make it appear that this belief about the importance of watching television is the most valued belief that you hold. The truth is in the results. Taking account of how you use your time is what will give you a true picture of what you value as the most important to your life at this time. Your true values could be identified, in order of importance, by the amount of time you give each of them.

Take your career for example. Is finding success in your career your number one true value? Wanting to succeed in an acting career could be based on an underlying desire to find a purpose for life. This does not mean that career success is the number one value and may not be supported by your actions. The reasons for pursuing this career are supported by your life values. However, if what you believe you value and what you actually value are not the same, may cause you confusion and chaos.

You need to be clear as to what you think your true values are, and what your actions reflect what your true values really are. If this is not clear to you, then the message you are sending out to the universe may be negating what you may truly desire. You want to rank those things in life you think are important and then see if your use of time supports your expectations. You need to separate what you would like to believe are your values and your actual values. The universe communicates with connection to energy of the world by the use of action, which is the energy of motion. It is the energy of your life, communicated through your actions, that control your transmission frequencies that the universe receives and then responds to.

If your true values are supported by actions and beliefs, based on your time usage, then your desired values are the operating focus of your life. You want to make sure your desired values are given the chance to overtake the actions that support your true values. Your goal is to transfer your focus, through your actions and efforts, to make your desired values become your true values. This can be done by acknowledging your behavior and being prepared to let your desired values compete for your focus.

You want to be clear on what your use of time communicates about your beliefs and expectations and you want to recognize your desired values of life in order to make sure they are not at cross purposes. For example, if your number one reason to achieve success in this career is based on a belief that you need to prove yourself to other people then your belief is associated with a negative need value. You’re putting value on a negative belief. A negative belief can only transmit at a low frequency because it requires constant justification. This holds your life energy in a down and closed position. This down and closed position will demand more constant internal dialogue which results in a negative transmission frequency that will only be responded to by like energy. This negative energy leads to confusion and chaos. This conflict creates a problem for your desired value system which would not place value on insecurity or low self-esteem. You want to make sure your actions and behavior is not allowing your true values to override your desired values.

Operating Rules
Each of us has a hierarchy of personal values that I call the operating rules for life. They are guiding your everyday focus. What you pay attention to may be based on what must be your true values instead of your desired values. This is usually done without awareness. This means that your use of time could be counterproductive to your desires. What you focus on may indicate that what you must really want is not supportive of your life desires. If left unaware your true values may lead you to focus on things that lead to familiar and comfortable results but at a cost of professional and emotional growth.

It is also possible your desired values are being avoided because they are associated with more pain than pleasure. Many of your desired values may unknowingly be fear based, meaning they are not supported with actual knowledge.


Our Personal Belief System
What are your values? In each of the 7 areas of your life, you should identify the beliefs that are most important to you. Remember, what you would like to believe you value about life are your desired values whereas, what you actually value about your life are your true values. The easiest was to find out the difference between your desired and true values is to calculate your time efforts. How you spend your time shows what you truly value. When you take the time to look at how you spend your time I believe you might find that you are locked in a dichotomous circumstance that can only support chaos and confusion.

The priorities in your life fall into two general categories. They are circumstances you seek to have and circumstances you wish to avoid. These life priorities are driven by your own belief system. We have developed our belief system by the life experiences that have resulted in pleasure, such as happiness, joy, comfort, or those life experiences that have given us pain, such as unhappiness, discontent, sorrow, frustration, depression. Based on the level of pain or pleasure, these life events have been supported by beliefs which collectively have become our personal belief system.

These life events and corresponding beliefs are valued based on the impact they have had on the individual’s life. Many of the beliefs in our personal belief system are based on life events and experiences that are counter to our knowledge the belief associates with. Most people believe that success should be valued. Many believe that respect should be valued. Values such as health, happiness, adventure, loyalty, human rights, romance, kindness, peace, religion…etc are all beliefs that many hold as important.

However, in reality, values are really only concepts. They are concepts that bring with them individual ideas and individual expectations. They are concepts because they are associated with a collective ideal but not necessarily a collective path. Values, true and desired, come from life events that need to be understood independently in order to appreciate their worth.

Like the characters in stories every individual’s list of values is different based on their life shaping events. In storytelling, the sequences of these events form the French scenes of the character’s life. So in our lives there have been events that have been associated with pleasure that drive us to seek like experiences and there have been events that have been associated with pain that compel us to avoid similar experiences. The layering of these events and the resulting pain or pleasure they create, define us as to who we are emotionally, physically and spiritually.

No two individuals can experience the same sequence of life events of pain and pleasure. As a result two individuals may have similar personal experiences but they can never have the same experiences leading to acceptance life values. It is important that you identify the life experiences that have proven in the past to give you pleasure. These pleasure supporting life experiences have created the beliefs that drive you to hold the concepts they represent as a high priority value in your life.

It is also critical that you acknowledge the life experiences that have proven in the past to give you pain. It can be said that all things we value in life are supported by a personal belief but not all things we do in life are supported by what we value. Many of our actions are not supported by our desired beliefs but become the true beliefs that we allow to dominate our lives. It is one of the ways the physical body controls your life energy and resulting focus and actions. It is this dichotomy that causes chaos and confusion in our lives and often leads us to waste time and behaving in ways that can only result in continued self-loathing.

Personal Truths
Anger could be an emotion that you seek to avoid. Anger is a concept and is experienced differently as a result of the life events and experiences that have made it a high priority on your avoidance list. Frustration could be an avoidance concept for you as well as rejection, greed, hate, cruelty, dishonesty, betrayal, depression, sadness, anxiety… etc. Because these responses are also concepts they are based on the individual experience and the order of importance and degree of avoidance are personal to the belief system that it has created.

There are certain events, circumstances and life experiences you try to avoid more than others. They are supported by the degree of impact of the event and the resulting emotional response that created it. Your values in life are based on continuing accumulation of events that are being defined by the beliefs you have accepted as your personal truths. They have become your rules for living and they often affect the way new experiences are perceived. New experiences may be associated with fear of more pain and the result is to remove the possibility that this new experience will bring growth and personal power.

It is said that if you know how a person uses their time you can predict the direction in which their life will take. Your use of time indicates what you truly believe about your life. Let’s say your number one value in life is personal freedom or independence. As a result you would be highly aware of anything that might threaten to take that away. Therefore, it would seem that you might have a more difficult time with commitment. Since we know the values of a person’s life are based on their desire for pleasure and their avoidance of pain, we can predict how they will behave. If they held personal freedom as their number one life priority we could have a general idea of what their relationships would be like. If a person held adventure as the number one priority in life we could generalize what kind of activities they might enjoy. If shopping was a person’s number one priority in life we could imagine how they might spend their time.

Let’s say a person’s number one value in life is security and their number 25 value is adventure. You could guess what their life might be like and where their focus might be. But, what if those values were switched? The fastest way to change the direction of your life is to change what you do with your time. By doing this you would be forced to view your life differently and be faced with the beliefs that life has presented you. If you accepted a different position you would be compelled to seek pleasure from events and circumstances that have never allowed you to pursue. The priorities of your entire life would change. What you would focus on would change and what you do with your time would be different.

You need to uncover your present values. You want to discover the order of their importance. This is not based on what you desire to have as priorities. It is based on your behavioral patterns that can be broken down by your use of time. Your actions reflect what your values and priorities are. Your goal is to become aware of your desired values based on how you wish you lived your life in relation to your real values based on your beliefs about pain and pleasure.

You need to uncover what is keeping you from living your life in accordance with the values you desire. To do this you must clarify your values. You must direct what you focus on daily. The actions that follow will change the patterns that have been created by the conflict between your true values and your desired values.

You can only change the conflict between your pleasure seeking values and your pain avoiding fears when you discover what these values and fears are. Until then you run the risk of being at the mercy of circumstance. You can look at a close friend or family member and, most likely, be able to list their pleasure seeking and fear avoiding priorities. You could most likely describe their values and behavioral patterns. You could describe their attitude, their outlook on life, their beliefs about society, the world, and the things they go after as well as the things they try to avoid. You could name the things they fear and the things they fear in others. If you can do this about someone else you can do it for yourself.

Have a great week and know,
I wish you well.
Russ